Healing the Hurt...

In recent weeks, Mercy has begun to finally articulate her grief...it is raw and real. Typically, it comes spilling out after a meltdown episode but I am hoping over time she will be able to talk about it preemptively before a huge scene develops. A few weeks ago after a major melt down incident, she asked me to remove the picture of her Liberian Ma from her dresser. As she went downstairs, I sobbed as I considered the deep pain and confusion in her little heart. Just a few days ago she announced that she would once again like the picture of her Ma displayed. I retrieved it for her and before she set it up again on her dresser, she lovingly attached a note to the back letting her Liberian Ma know she missed her and loved her. I am so grateful we are finally, after 2+ years able to address this underlying issue which seems to be simmering under the surface of her heart . As her mom, I wish I could just heal her heart, take away the pain, and make her whole without her having to endure the long and tedious process of grieving, questioning, and sorting out so many emotions for such a little girl. I am filled with hope though, because the One who longs to comfort and heal is at work. Only the Lord can soothe the ache deep in her soul, only He can satisfy the burning questions of her heart, only He can turn her sorrow into joy.

I have mentioned the sunflower analogy over the years in earlier posts. The other day we had a huge issue stemming from a big mommy blunder. Mercy had plopped a sunflower seed in a dixie cup and covered it with backyard dirt. It has been sitting on the kitchen windowsill for quite some time. I was on a late night cleaning spree and since it was dry and there was no apparent growth in the cup, I assumed it had been forgotten by my little girl and I tossed it . BIG MISTAKE!! The following morning she was looking for her 'sunflower plant'. I explained that I had thrown it away not realizing that she was still caring for it. She was beside herself in a torrent of angry tears and told me I had thrown away her treasure. For several minutes she was inconsolable. When she calmed down enough to hear me, I asked her forgiveness for not checking with her first and assured her that I never would have tossed it had I seen any evidence of growth in that little dixie cup or if I had known it was so precious to her. I explained that the conditions were not right for that seed to grow...the soil was not fertile, it was too cold on the windowsill and it was not receiving the proper amount of light and water. I promised we would plant some sunflower seeds in another pot with good potting soil in the coming days. Then we talked about the sunflower analogy yet again and how it applies to her life. We spoke of the goodness of God in planting her in fertile soil where she is watered by the love of so many. We remembered the sad day when last summer her sunflower was uprooted after a storm blew through. We talked about the importance of deep roots. We spoke of how often God uses sad things to bring good...we talked about the death of my own Dad and how God brought the blessing of Doyle and my 'blended' family into our lives.
She really is assimilating this all and astounds me at times with her insight. One morning during devotions, the topic was being good stewards of the gifts God has given us. We went around the table and each child shared what they felt their gift was and how they could be a good steward of it. Mercy shared that her gift was being adopted into our family. When I asked her how she could be a good steward of this gift she said,"By not saying I want to go back to Liberia when I get angry" Wow! God is definitely at work and slowly she is coming to terms with His sovereignty in the midst of all the change she has endured over these past 2+ years. So, if you think of us, please pray that M and I will have supernatural wisdom in helping Mercy to appropriately articulate her grief, that He would continue to give us 'teachable' moments during peaceful times for her roots to grow strong and deep as she processes all of her jumbled emotions.
Soon enough it will be planting season. We plan to stake her sunflowers this year to give them a chance to really grow. The stakes remind me of how Mercy needs to be staked to the truths of God's word so that she will not bend to her constantly fluctuating emotions.
So, I am praying for a harvest of deeply rooted sunflowers this summer and praying for the roots of our little girl to grow deeply in the fertile soil God has transplanted her in.

Love,
MamaB