When I am weak, He is strong!!

Well, today was my first day flying solo...it offically began at 4am with an intimate breakfast of lasagne(Thanks, Kim), turkey pot pie(Thanks, Sue) and a piece of ham (Thanks, Teresa)with sweet Mercy...I kid you not, she ate a helping of each of these before we settled in on the couch at 5am. Previous to this, I was up with Odesco who seemed to be having fitful dreams...he awakened flailing and crying out...we sat downstairs and rocked for quite a while until he fell back asleep.
This morning God faithfully heard many of your prayers on our behalf as we ventured out to the pediatricians for the TB skin test check a little after 9 am. Both kids happily climbed into their carseats and were not distressed at all during the car ride..In my mirror I had a great view of Mercy looking quite gleeful (with her purple sunglasses on upside down!)as we crossed RR tracks and hit various bumps...things that just 2 days ago had her crying out in sheer fear! I prepped both kids that we would be heading to the Drs to show the nurse our arms...then we'd say,"Goodbye"., and that would be the end of the visit...so, while they reluctantly rolled up their sleeves and extended their right arms, they didn't melt down... both kids even managed to smile at the nurse who had administered the dreaded shots on Tuesday...we drove home peacefully and I made sure I heaped the praise and containers of cut up ham upon my 2 little Liberians. My heart rejoices over this display of God's faithfulness.
The rest of the day was marked by relentless testing in all sorts of areas.I was having flashbacks to when our other 4 were about 14-18 months of age and testing their boundaries..Soecifically, the on/off switch on the TV/ the light switch to the basement while B4 is down there playing Legos, deliberate gleeful demolition of another sibling's duplo creation, refusal to sit at the table with food, ....you get the picture. Much of the day was spent with me bear hugging either Mercy or Odesco in the Living room glider as they flailed and screamed because they weren't allowed to do what they wanted to. Still there were bright spots...like when Odesco said, "Pese and Tankyou" without prompting, when Mercy very diligently used the dustpan and brush to clean up under the kitchen table when asked, when Odesco allowed me to rub cream on his very dry skin without pushing me away,and when Mercy unprompted, ran to the door to greet Daddy upon his arrival home from work.After dinner the kids had a boisterous time of giggling, laughter and just pure hysterics as they sat there cracking up at each other over nothing. Mercy and Odesco were babbling in their Liberian English, then B3 or B4 would do something and they'd all be in an uproar.This was followed by a very physical tickle time with all the boys and a happy bathtime. Bedtime was when Mercy and Odesco both decided they were going to challenge us once more but, I must say, though intense, the struggle seemed to resolve a bit quicker...I keep trying to appeal to Mercy's "desire" to please God and do the right thing... and keep praising her for the small but significant good choices she did make today.As I sat guard in the dark relieved that Mercy did not attempt to get out of her makeshift bed, I could hear another struggle going on across the hall .M was in the little boys' room having his eardrums blown out and his muscles worked out as he held tightly to a screaming, flailing little Odesco...I could hear Daddy reminding him that ,"I can hold longer than you can fight" and eventually there was the unexpected silence :)
So, there you have it...day 5 in our transition...thanking God for the many reasons to celebrate and praying for sustaining grace to hang on when it feels as if our strength will give out...thankfully, when I am weak, He is strong. Lord, do your work in the hearts of these little ones and help us to be faithful to display our commitment to love them for a lifetime with tender, long-suffering hearts!!!
Below are some pictures from the day ~
If you read this before friday at 2:30, please pray for us as Mark has the day off so we can take Mercy and Odesco for bloodwork. Pray that we will have wisdom in prepping them for this and that they will be as cooperative as possible. It is a satellite of Children's Hospital, so hopefully it will be a better experience than going to the local lab. Will update tomorrow :)

"Red and yellow, black and white, they are precious in His sight!" Bathtime for the littlest B's

Look what arrived in the mail today!! Mercy received her American girl doll, Addy a gift from Grandmom and Grandpop B..."Tomorro I wi pla he hai ", were Mercy's first words..(translation: "Tomorrow, I will plait her hair!")I reminded her to be gentle and that this is a very special doll with a very special pick to use on her very special hair!

Schooltime!After dinner, as B3 was finishing her schoolwork with Daddy, Mercy and Odesco decided thay wanted to join in as well...to my surprise and delight, Mercy can write many of her letters and she is right handed!!you homeschool moms can appreciate why this makes my heart glad :)

His Mercies are New Every Morning...

By God's grace I can say that today was a day of small battles won, lots of giggles, smiles, and I think good progress in the bonding department. The day began at 4:30 am with Mercy standing at the foot of our bed, giving me "the stare"...then the glance to the stairs to indicate her desire to go to the kitchen for food. I asked her to use words and she was stone faced and distant...not wanting to raise the roof with everyone else sleeping, I brought her downstairs. She relented and whispered her usual,"Meat...pease"(please). As we sat there in the dark silence, I must admit my heart was filled with doubts..."Is this what attachment disorder looks like?...Will she ever open up and soften? Is our family forever changed in a negative way? When will life seem normal again?"....then God in His mercy did something...Mercy began to talk..so much so that I had pen and paper in hand to write down much of what she was telling me...usually she was answering my questions, other times she was just rambling. At one point I asked her if she read Bible stories at AOH and who she knew from the Bible...she told me, " Jesu...he make fishes, bread , wate"...I asked her if she knew what He did for her and she said,"he die on da cro fo my si"(ie:He died on the cross for my sins) That is how Liberian english sounds...ending consonants are dropped and it is a challenge to keep up with her when she speaks quickly....often I ask her to repeat it and she very dramtically says,"I sa....."
This girl has spunk and a determined spirit and I am really enjoying the challenge of trying to figure her out!! She is testing limits continually-giggles as she is doing it at times and flaps her arms in defiance like a chicken at other obstinate moments (I told her no more "chickie arms" allowed) ...honestly, I thought we had dealt with strong willed children before but the Lord was really just preparing us for these 2 feisty Liberians :)We had a couple of show downs today where she was drawing the line in the sand, so to speak and we let her know she was NOT getting her way...by God's grace, she chose to obey and we of course congratulated her obedience... the victory was short lived only to find her testing a few minutes later. Over time, I am praying she grows weary before we do and realizes boundaries are a good thing:) Today she accidentally stepped on B3's foot and she told her she was sorry without prompting...this was huge as I've read that empathy is not a typical trait of Liberian children.
Our cute little Odesco with the button nose woke up happy this morning...he is saying please and thankyou more unprompted and we had wonderful giggle filled playtime this morning in the back yard. This am when he was gearing up for another meltdown on the floor, we made the decision to pick him up in a bear hug while I rocked him in the glider...eventually he softened and relaxed to the point of falling asleep...later when it happened again, the loud crying lasted only 10 or 15 minutes and he was playful/smiling again. The most significant thing is he was smiling as I smooched his chubby cheeks...laughing as I showed him what butterfly and eskimo kisses were and absolutely hysterical while letting me give him belly busters. Usually he would just push away our attempts to show him love in this playful way.
So, small baby steps today but feeling the kindness of God breathing new life in my doubt-filled heart.
Tomorrow I am solo as Daddy has to go to work...we have to go to the doctors to get the TB test looked at but we can sit in the waiting room watching the video on the big screen...a nurse will come out to meet us. You can bet I will be well supplied in meat should the need arise:) So, if you are reading this, please pray that both children get in their carseats and don't blow our eardrums on the way...also pray that they will have short term memory loss and forget the trauma of the doctor's visit 2 days ago :) Seriously, pray that I would choose to avail myself of every drop of God's amazing grace ...and that I would give Him glory in the process.
Thanks for checking in!!
More pictures in the days to come, I promise!!

Small Steps...

A sunny breakfast with the B's-sunglasses required attire :)

~Bedtime Beauties~

The Platting Princess...Mercy loves to braid her babydoll's hair and is quite good at it!

What a cutie!!

Well, the last 2 days, my morning has begun between 4:30 and 5am with my sweet African Beauty ...she awakens and makes it very clear she will not be going back to sleep...she motions with her eyes that she would like to go downstairs..we hold hands as she awkwardly lumbers down the stairs (I don't think she was exposed to stairs in Liberia!) I take her to the refrigerator and ask her what she would like and she quietly whispers, "Meat"....so, I fix her a bowl of chicken and rice or whatever meal is leftover from dinner(from all of our wonderfully generous friends) and she polishes off every last smidge of food...then does the same with 2nd and even third helping ( I make sure the portions are small to start!) I can't explain the emotions swirling in my heart as I watch both of our Liberian children literally devour their food...I am so grateful that now that they are home, they will, Lord willing, never have to go hungry...but I imagine what it was like for them living in their homeland and my heart breaks :( Again, I need to trust that the Lord who loves them more than we ever possibly can will restore the years that the locust has eaten and will heal them of whatever hurts their little hearts have experienced in the years preceding their adoption.
After Mercy fills her belly, we climb back upstairs and she has a difficult time falling back asleep...I see her watching me but when I look at her, she avoids eye contact...soon I feel her playing with my hair and softly touching my face...I think these are good signs that she is reaching out to let me into her little heart...I need to treasure these tender moments because there are other times where her strong, obstinate spirit is boldly displayed and I sense her pushing to see just how far she will be allowed to go.During these times, she will literally turn her back on me and refuse to follow instructions...it seems the best thing to do is to go on with whatever I was doing and let her swallow her pride and come back to me when she is ready. We did have a major breakthrough today in this area ...yesterday afternoon we decided to go out in the van as a family...both Mercy and Odesco howled and pitched a fit when asked to get in their carseats (remember: riding in a vehicle is totally foreign to them and on the rare occasion that they did , no carseats were used!)We had quite a challenge getting them securely latched in and we decided to go for a drive to acclimate them to this...we drove through a Mc'Donalds once everyone was calm (took about 30 minutes!!)and bought french fries to share to try to salvage this experience and create a positive memory- food is definately such a motivator for them and for now,so early on it seems to be an effective tool. Because Mercy is older, I was able to show her the traffic lights and explain the colors and what they mean...so, we began playing a game..."The light is red,Daddy-STOP...the light is green, Daddy GO!!" I also was able to talk to her about how we respond obediently when asked to do something with a ,"Yes, Mommy or Yes, Daddy" response and when we returned home we practiced getting back into her car seat (with the van parked in the driveway )when asked and of course, made a huge deal of her "Yes, Mommy " and following obedience. This morning we talked and she told me,"I will not cry" when I mentioned we'd be heading out in the van today. True to her word, she was chipper, enjoyed looking at the Christmas decorations and playing the light game. We heaped the encouragement on her!
Odesco can be such a happy, smiley fun-loving ticklish little fellow one moment and withdrawn, cold, and so very sad/angry the next. We had several major meltdown episodes today when he was told "No". It seems like his response is delayed and a few minutes later he begins to cry...if we approach him, he lashes out, refusing to be comforted...this same thing happened yesterday and after a 15 minute tantrum on the floor, he allowed me to pick him up ...we came downstairs and he sat on my lap while I fed him his breakfast and drink...again, a good sign that he was allowing himself to depend on me..instead of being willfully independent.Today, it was a different story as he had one of these major episodes just moments before we needed to leave for their first Doctor's appt...he was a mess almost the entire ride there but calmed down once we got to the office and sat in the waiting room where a video was playing. The exam was a different story...he sat for part of it and when he decided he had enough, we moved onto Mercy...Odesco however was just warming up...he spent at least 45 minutes inconsolably screaming on the floor of the exam room ...the TB test and initial immunizations didn't do much to cheer his mood and you can imagine what an ordeal it was to administer the immunizations to both kids.{Mercy stared down the doctor and basically wouldn't open her mouth, turn her head etc. until I persuaded her with some meat I had stashed in my mini-cooler-an idea I got from Jenkin's mom who went through this yesterday and brought chicken to their appointment!. She suddenly became a bit more compliant...chocolate chips for me, Ham/chicken/beef for Mercy...quite the contrast!!} After the exams we waited in the room for more than 20 minutes with Mercy trying to escape and Odesco continuing his antics on the floor...eventually I went out to let them know we were just going to leave and was told they were now ready for the dreaded shots~ By the time we left, we were all exhausted (and I was on the verge of tears), including the very patient and understanding doctor and nurse!! At this point M took Odesco out to the van (he was still wailing-no shoes, only undershirt on...) and I worked on getting Mercy out...she decided she was not going to come willingly and I had to carry her out as she tried to squirm and wriggle out of my arms screaming at the top of her lungs the entire time.I even had to walk back in once Mercy was in the car, to retrieve all of our stuff that neither one of us could carry due to all the commotion. I hope this will be an opportunity for God's glory to shine forth in future visits as He continues to work on their hearts...oh, wouldn't it be nice if that could happen as soon as Thursday when I need to take them back in to get their TB skin test checked?!Once in the van for 10 minutes or so, both kids settled down and we again did the french fry thing again....they were both giggling and smiling before we got home!! Odesco had one more major meltdown this evening before bed...difficult to know why...after a happy , smiley bath time , he became extremely sullen, stood silently in his room with only the towel I had wrapped around him and refused to let me rub lotion onto his very dry skin ...he also would not allow me to let him get dressed so once again, we decided to back off...sure enough, a few minutes later, the tears began and eventually he allowed me to comfort him and get him dressed. B2 is so tender hearted for his little brother and was literally in tears over this behavior tonight. I asked if he was crying because of the changes happening in our family and he assured me that his tears were regarding Odesco's deep sadness...wow, what a tender heart. M wisely encouraged his tenderhearted love and reminded him to bring his burdens to the Lord, because it is only He who can heal Odesco's hurting heart. we were having a snack which to our biol kids means the sweet goodies that have been sent by our friends providing meals...for Odesco and Mercy, this means MEAT...so, I offered, meat to Odesco and he refused to make eye contact . I left it on the counter... a few moments later, he had it in his hand and he was quietly eating it at his seat . I told B2 that this reminds me of us...we are adopted into God's family and often, not approachable or grateful in the least... God extends His hand to offer us a feast at His banquet table and we foolishly refuse...until He breaks through our stony, prideful hearts we can't receive all the good gifts He longs to give us...just Like Mercy and Odesco often won't willingly receive our love in these early days....slowly, slowly I believe He will break through the untilled soil of their hard hearts ...one day, we will see dramatic change but for now, we will not despise the day of small beginnings!
Now for some neat moments/tidbits:
*Mercy knows her colors, ABC's, and how to spell her name(with no formal schooling I was shocked she knew even this much!!)
*Without prompting, Mercy began folding napkins to set the table for dinner :)
*Odesco and Mercy are with prompting beginning to ask for things more appropriately -instead of just demanding.."I want..." they are now saying,"Please/Thankyou...May I please be excused...etc
*Mercy and B3 spent over an hour today braiding their doll's hair...it is amazing to see Mercy squat there and braid like all the African nannies she surely watched in the orphanage...
* Life with African children is an adventure...simple things like light switches, running water from a faucet, battery powered toothbrushes are awe-inspiring in them!
* I "caught"Mercy and Odesco singing "Jesus loves me" together as they motored around the kitchen on little radioflyer scooters...this was after they blankly stared at us this morning as we all tried to get them to join us in a song...they acted as if they'd never heard it before...imagine my surprise when I heard them singing this just a few hours later...they know alot more than they are letting on...
*Adopting an older child sure has it's benefits: I love to ask Mercy questions like'
" Did you wear shoes in Liberia?"...The answer was, "No" which explains why walking seems so awkward for them at times...they aren't used to heavy, cumbersome sneakers!
*Both Mercy and Odesco came home without the photo albums we had prepared for them...Mercy told me she gave it to a specific nanny to keep for her in the small room...I'm hoping this will make sense to those who can help locate these impt books!! She also told me she looked at it often before she came to America...I am sure this has helped to prepare her heart for our family...
So, though it was at times a discouraging day, there were many bright spots and I am so grateful these little ones are finally here with us. How painfully patient the Lord has been with me...it is obvious that this will not be a simple, effortless transition. We may be out of circulation longer than I had originally anticipated to give the kids time to settle in...their entire lives have been uprooted so it really is no wonder that we are having these issues...My boundary lines have fallen in good and pleasant places...He has assigned me my portion and my cup...these issues are no surprise to Him...
Remembering once again that He will provide every grace needed to parent all 6 of these blessings...
His Grace is Sufficient!!
Thanks for checking in...and special thanks to all who have so generously provided meals for our family...you have no idea what a huge burden this has lifted as our days seem to revolve around mealtimes...to not have to think of what to prepare for 8 has really been a blessing!!

Airport Pictures

Waiting for our little ones...

Our first hug!!!

Compassionate Care: Melodie from AOH with Odesco, Jenkins and Mercy

Together at Last

A Day of Transition...

Last night, Mercy and Odesco did remarkably well...they both slept on quilts and sleeping bags next to our bed. Each of them woke up once, used the potty and were easily redirected to bed. Odesco did have a short time of sniffling and whimpering when we first put him down but, he finally fell asleep after rubbing his back for a few minutes.
Mercy woke up this morning first ...I brought her downstairs with me and we snuggled on the couch together looking at a Richard Scarry book...she whispered words with her thick Liberian accent as I pointed to pictures on the page...she was opening up a little bit and I was relishing every moment...I even caught a few glimmers of a smile. Later when the rest of the house was in full swing, we began to see a different side to both children. We decided going to church would be a bit too much for them so we spent the day playing , adjusting and visiting with our many eager friends who came to see the newest members of our family. The kids' words were flowing easier and the flat affect/lack of any expression was replaced with smiles and even some giggling. Mercy finally gave us a big smile when Daddy pushed her outside on the swing...she didn't last too long out there though due to the cold air! B3 and Mercy had a ball today making "soup" out of counting bears and colored pegs and Mercy loves "platting " doll hair and embellishing with all sorts of hairsnaps, barettes, ribbons etc. B3 was a bit frustrated that she can't yet braid like Mercy but I think she will catch on soon enough. The girls wore coordinating outfits and at the end of the day B3 told me she couldn't believe that Mercy was her sister and that she was so glad! Odesco and all the boys romped, chased, wrestled and had quite a bit of fun together. He still is not speaking much but occasionally we hear his sweet little voice with the adorable Liberian accent. We spent quite a bit of time today just orienting the 2 of them to life in our home...food in the kitchen area only, say please and thankyou , take plates to sink after eating etc...they seem to be catching on and a few times Mercy said," Please" without prompting. Both of these gifts from the Lord let us know when they don't want to do something! They stubbornly refuse to make eye contact and need firm redirection to encourage obedience but, I must admit, for our first day together, I'd say it went better than expected!! They especially seem to go into "shut down" mode when new people stop by to visit...toward the end of the day though both kids managed to squeak out a glance in our vistors' direction and a soft,"Hello". So, if you do come for a visit, please don't be offended if you get a less than friendly response...I have a feeling this is an area that we will be working with Odesco and Mercy on for quite a while!!
Tonite' Jenkins (our kids say his name so it sounds like "Chickie") came for what we hoped would be a joyous visit but it seemed to evoke sadness in his little heart...it is so hard to know what is going on inside these precious ones as they need to process so many emotions and changes...I look forward to asking them 5 years from now what this trip to America was like for them and what they were feeling!
This evening,when it was time to put Odesco down for the night, he did his quiet definace stance where he just refuses to move...M carried him to the makeshift bed in our room and Odesco began crying loudly (now we know he has lungs to rival Mercy's!!). This wasn't any ordinary cry but a deep gut wailing...at first I thought he was just mad he didn't get his way but then it really did seem like he was very sad...and this made my Mommy heart sad...as I rubbed his back and he wailed, I quietly cried my heart out too. I want to make his heart stop hurting but I don't know the depths or causes of his hurts. The reality is, I can't take back the years of pain for either of our adopted children...but I need to trust their Heavenly father to fill in the gaps and the details we will never know about~
After several minutes of his relentless cries, I finally realized that perhaps Odesco was missing his routine at AOH and his bedmate, Emmett. I asked him if he wanted B4 to sleep next to him and this seemed to quiet him down. So, right now B3 and B4 are curled up next to Odesco beside our bed and B3 and Mercy are sleeping at the foot of our bed. Eventually they will transition into their own rooms but for now this seems to be the best scenerio. Mealtimes today were quite comical as these children have huge appetites and tried everything we gave them. They are not shy about asking for more food and Odesco especially wastes nothing on his plate...we will have to monitor both of their intake though, as they have never had the experience of being "full" and would probably eat continuously if we allowed them to.
Tonite', my heart is overflowing...I still can't believe that our children are finally here. While I know there is so much transitioning that needs to happen, I can already see the Lord grafting and knitting these 2 little ones into the fabric of our family...what a miracle it is ! Thanks for checking in...thanks also for those of you who have lavished us with meals, prayers and just genuinely rejoiced with us in God's goodness to our family. We are so grateful!!
With much love from our buzzing household!

HOME AT LAST...

Just a quick post to let you all know we are home, safe and sound! All the kids are bathed and asleep for now :) Who knows what time their little internal clocks will decide to wake them up?! We had an amazing day...I promise cyber boy will be put to work to download our pics and I'll post some tomorrow.
Mercy's expression for most of the day was quite similar to the look she displayed in her last photo with Melodie...she has quite a strong spirit and is definately a gal who knows what she wants :)...there was very little talking today but she was able to communicate what she wanted. Mercy and B3 played with Kelly dolls and tried different hair thingies in Mercy's short but beautifully braided hair. ( I am so grateful to the nannies for this!!!) Odesco was also very quiet but finally gave us a smirk before bed and B2 figured out he is quite ticklish and managed to get a giggle out of him!! He also has a great arm and loves to toss a ball around, enjoys building with duplos (as we were told) and is a great train conductor with the Geotrax we have set up in the living room.
Both children have amazed us with their appetites! The food budget just went out the window, I think :)!
The ride home was a bit overwhelming to Mercy and let's just say she has a fine set of lungs...how grateful we are for God's mercy in sparing us from a cross country journey so soon!! She was able to settle down and did sleep for a bit...Odesco also slept for a bit of the ride.
I am unable to articulate or even wrap my brain around all that has happened...it is so humbling and hard to believe that these 2 precious children have been entrusted to us by the Lord...it is clear there is major transitioning to come but God who clearly set us on this path and chose these precious ones to be a part of our family will supply every bit of strength and wisdom needed to parent them.
Our other 4 children have done so well... I am so proud of how they have tried to make their new siblings feel at home ...B3 didn't even balk when Mercy took her American girl doll to bed with her...now that is sacrifice :)I know it might not be so easy in the days ahead but for today, God gave them all the grace to be other oriented and I am so grateful.
Well, I am emotionally and physically drained but so thankful the Lord brought them to us today...Melodie told us that it almost didn't work out again...oh, thank you Lord for sparing us of that test!
Pictures, tomorrow...I promise :)
Thanks for sharing our joy...
All my chicks are in the nest!!!
MamaB

ON THEIR WAY!!!!

We received this picture a few days ago...(Mercy, Melodie, Odesco,& Jenkins)
I just received word that our precious children are homeward bound!!! They are on the plane headed to Brussels and then to JFK where we will joyfully receive the newest members of our family tomorrow afternoon:) I can't even describe the flood of emotions going on right now...total relief that the wait is over...anticipation regarding our meeting and how they will do saying goodbye to Melodie (an AOH employee who has become very special to Mercy, Odesco and Jenkins and shown love to them over these past several months), concern over the transition etc, etc..
But, the most overwhelming theme in my heart is ,"HE WHO PROMISED IS FAITHFUL!!"
He has faithfully led us down this path of adoption, He has faithfully chosen Mercy and Odesco to be a part of our family, He has faithfully equipped us and carried us as we dealt with the many disappointments and challenges and now I can say with full confidence, He will faithfully give us everything we need to parent these precious ones and graft them into our family because, HE WHO PROMISED IS FAITHFUL!!!
Thanks so much for continuing to pray for us...the days ahead will be filled with joy and challenges, I'm sure...
I will try to update tomorrow.
Rejoicing in His goodness, wisdom and perfect timing!!
Mama B...whose nest is about to expand...WOO-HOO :)